RACE FOR LIFE! Personal challange

 Hi there! A personal challenge and a MARK of achievements. I had decided last year at the Race Fo Life event that personally I will run it this year! I was stunned by all the amazing messages and the general awareness of people in UK towards breast cancer. I had lost a dear friend or two in the massive battle against Breast Cancer and on the day of my race for life this year I stumbled over an acquaintance who watched on the race with tears in eyes having found out she also has breast cancer. I was so sad....and it made me realise more and more women suffer and I can do something about it...yes I can. I can do something about my LIFE (and this is my personal challenge and has always been) and I can do something for those whom I love and are generally around me.

 I had come a long way! I had breast surgery in February and Sunday May 18th 2014, I HAD COMPLETED ANOTHER DREAM!:) I RAN 5 km and completed the race with 34:48min which was such a good time. I did it all alone, same as my surgery and other personal challenges but had a brilliant husband to support me and children and also a fantastic friend and trainer Stuart Ives.

The legacy for Breast Cancer Awareness continues and I am happy to keep up the running and the personal training......! I love big goals I love doing the personal challenges and not only physical ones. I will be busy over summer training to get better at what I do as a job and that also involves some discipline. I will also concentrate on achieving other personal targets....God willing I shall be reporting of other great achievements. For now....I hope and pray one day cure to CANCER WILL BE FOUND that those who suffer will find peace and comfort and get better and overcome their ordeal. Thank you to all who supported me and cheered me on.

Back to almost normal

Hello there

Its been I think about 5 weeks possibly 6th now. I am back at work....feeling almost normal. Often forget I do not have to hunch my back and I can brave the straight back. I am enjoying the fading scars and its really interesting that things are slowly getting back to normal. I can almost sleep on my tummy and hardly ever feel any pulling or any pain. Occasionally out of no where I feel a pull or a strange sensation like stitch pain but as far as I know I don't have much stitching just glue-ing. I expect that's it now. The lines are fader and fader! if someone would have told me ages ago that this is how I would feel I would have never believed them but I do feel BRILLIANT.

I have one more visit to my amazing surgeon next week I am looking forward to see what he makes of it and see if he will cut back the threads that are still hanging:)

A few people were a little upset about how open I had been about this process perhaps consider this a little too much information...but all I can say is...if this information does hurt, upset anyone or is more than they expected I AM TRULEY SORRY and please do not feel you have to visit this site. It is my personal story and I am only sharing it with those who wanted to share in my experience. Please do not pass on this blog to third parties unless you had been given permission.

Thanks for travelling with me on this part of my LIFE JOURNEY!

Week 4

Hello! Its week 4 of since my surgery! Nothing major to report...the infection is clearing pretty nicely and I have purchased my first few bras:) Yes, one from the MS as everyone seems to love it there (I am not convinced) and two from sports shop. I must admit I am loving my whole new 36DD or 36E cup and I love being able to walk around the house without having to drag my boobs around with me:) sorry if that's graphic a little but that is how I used to feel. I never ever imagined there will be ever a day when I can walk around with no bra and my boobs will just sit there all perky and with no pain or being totally covered up ....!

 

The tops are still the ones I used before except they actually pop up and I can now wear them comfortable rather than open them up so much that I had to wear another vest top underneath to then also wear a scarf....to cover the massive cleavage and the way too unbuttoned tops. So there, I am a happy bunny cant you tell?!

 

I am experiencing a lot of itching and still only just able to sleep on my side comfortably and even often I half turn on my tummy....I can do that safely because I cross over my arms and that supports that area where the boobies are....hard to explain but sleep terribly well.

 

This is also the week I am driving properly and confidently and also returning to work....I hope I can cope and get on with it...meanwhile looks like spring has arrived and I AM VERY VERY PLEASED AND HAPPY because its been a very long depressive spring. So chinning up and looking forward to SPRING and a whole new me!

INfection

So, yap! NO this wasnt part of the plan! Week three started well...was looking forward to drive and maybe off to work...?! Instead...I am taking antibiotics and feeling very strange and vulnerable right now. All was going well...so ok a little bit of infection but really what is it that's making me so all over the place?!
Well for starters...its been incredibly emotional....I am experiencing a HIGH that of wow, this has been so good so easy and so amazing! and I am experiencing a low....I am noticing my kids being emotional, I need to rely on friends and cant do things I plan either cause I crash out or I want to sort things out around me. The balance between whats possible and impossible is like thin cotton thread...and I am stretching it BIG TIME!

So last night noticed the yellow oozing...I had a warm shallow bath and got out felt first sick then incredibly tired, I fell asleep at like 9pm....! I woke up but I could not even reach my phone felt so weak. I emailed my consultant as I wasn't sure what this was....! he responded "must see your GP first thing tomorrow and have wound cleaned and cleared and a course of antibiotics"
1. I am so so grateful for this consultant he has gone way and beyond his duty of care I love him loads for his guts his guidance and his total commitment.
2.I felt sick at the thought of having to go to my GP always seems to result in bitterness and inability to get what you need.
3. Panick....this is not meant to happen I was gona see my Romanian girls am then spend some mum time together

So this morning I went to GP and eventually got seen. GP informed me she cant clean and dress wound, the wound clinic told me they next appointment is two weeks time and well that only left the pharmacy where they informed me they don't stock plasters that big....so back to the GP to explain this is awkward...who then instructed some nurses to wash and dress the wound. They reluctantly did it and I never felt so exposed especially when one of them refused to use the obvious dressing pointed out by the other and made some strange suggestion that minimal dressing is better....

Anyways, so my husband went to BOOTS near where he works and got me a supply of plasters...right now I feel I should donate them to Thorndike drs surgery so that the next person can actually receive some help ...but I might need them myself. I hope and pray no one else needs pads these next few days as after my research its seems nothing is available locally. I guess this reminded me of times when I lived in communism when we used cotton wool and such and everything depended on who you knew and sourcing things was just the biggest mission ever.

So when home with the antibiotics I took my dose and went to bed. I slept 2 and half hours and felt drained as ever. I am now gona take some time out. I am gona go incognito for a few days...I want to rest, spend time with family and enjoy March 8th International Women;s Day!

I will check in beginning of next week! Have a nice weekend!

Two weeks MILESTONE

 So plasters have come off after I had decided to bath and check what state these beauties are in! I was expecting I must admit at least a few leaks or wet areas but nope all seems to be finely sorted. I bought loads of plasters so I had stuck some on as its weird not having that padding and protection?! I think its strange to look at it these ways. I don't remember my nipples being so dark wonder if this is some hormonal thing?! I cant wait to see what cup size I am and I really must not continue to eat like a pig or else I will have nice boobs and fat belly to say the least.

Sgtrange to think two weeks ago today I was blissfully unaware of what I was to do and how my life was gona change. And it bloody did change, To ever think of walking around without a bra was out the question but this is great stuff. It was worth all the hard work and all the "pain" ! Talking about pain it really did not hurt at all. Don't know if it was Mr. Kasem's magic or something but my mum, JOnathan , my ML and so on are all telling me off I do most things around the house....and I love that there is no real restriction as I imagined it. I thought I won't be able to sleep for weeks. I only felt that way the first week....now two weeks later on my sides too! I cant yet sleep on my belly which is one of my fav way of sleeping but I do sleep and that is important. I even went to work this week for two hours one evening and I managed it. I had attended my supervision and although a bit green or airy I think I managed ok. So...one more week of rest as Dr said and then will try and get back to work!...the start running and walking again and getting in shape for summer....yay!
For now rest and getting healing well under way! That is my mission. And since my darling mum has come to my rescue once again this next week will be relaxing with her and enjoying the hopefully sunny March!

I thought this op wont happen til Easter ...by Easter I will be ...oh cant wait!

Pre op one day!

I have revisited some photos of my pre op! Sadly I lost the ones I took right before....but hey ho this will do although it does not do justice to me as to be fair this is a very flattering swimsuit and this is after 2 years of heavy training, swimming and walk/running at least 2x a week. As I previously said the difficulty was mainly with my back and my shoulders. If you look close at the top of my shoulder  its is much smaller and thiner than the rest of my body. My bust has been so difficult to manage that I was getting really big dents in my shoulders and constant migraines. There was over 1kg of boobage so to wear a normal bra was out the question. I know I know I heard it before from people and friends "but it looks ok"...."they are not that big"....."its just in your head" well, the size was 36JJ and yeah if I did not care what I wore of how I looked I could have easily laughed it off but actually being top heavy has been a massive burden in my life.

I thought this photo will do until I find another one that really does show you just how it really affected me.

I am so very very happy with what has been offered to me. Its not easy but its ok. I have daily headaches still not sure what causes them but I guess its also this stinky cold that I got (guess my immune system is telling me....hey you kicked my ass I will kick yours)....
Otherwise is great having my mum here and boys have been sooo good! I feel truly blessed and so glad things are ok. Last night I am aware I spent a lot of the nite sleeping on my side and I was okish with occasional wakes and moves I managed a nite of sleep with no sleeping tablets or such.

So I am a happy bunny still maybe just need to get this cold over be back at work and get my routine going again!! Don't forget if you read my blog please don't share as this is my own personal account and I have invited you to read because I think you care about me and to aid communication.

Thanks!

Day 8 and beggining of spring!

(here with one of my best friends at Bwater...yesterday I probably wasn't really ready to go out but I needed some change of scenery, Iveta always my supporter and she has been the one that I started training with....and also has been my amazing friend)

 

Hi there! Today has been a very happy day! Boys have gone back to school which allowed me to just potter at my own pace around the house...by pottering I mean I was able to just be! no nagging no feeling guilty no getting stressed that something is not quite how I imagined just relax and potter.
I had done a lot of phone calls and enjoyed coffee in the glorious sunshine in garden with mum. I even have breakfast with husband who has once again sacrificed a day of his holiday to be home and see kids off to school and nursery and later take me to see my FAVOURITE CONSULTANT OF ALL MR KASEM!

So, the day flew by I even made it to BQ (yes yes I know crazy me) to get a few plants for my garden as I cant wait for spring to come and need to help it hurry along. Mum washed all windows and I am delighted that the gardens are being treated my my mum!!!:)

So, then we set of to see my CONSULTANT!  - it wasn't very exciting having like 6-7 people there watching me but who cares....I had been looking forward for this moment since my op and lets see what happened....! My gorgeous and lovely consultant has greeted me with great smile, he is not a chatter box as such but hs massive smile and honesty does it all. He asked me how I was...I explained. Then I took top layers off and he did the rest....yap all plasters off....threads cut away and TA DA there was me looking like a 17 years old?!  - but really nipples in the right place, no swelling as such, no bruising or discharge just nice almost healed bobbies. More grinning more smiling and a lor of chatting....10 mins later one firm handshake all my questions answered I was out the door sporting my new massive grin!!! yay! Long live this wonderful surgeon and God bless his working hands. He has made a massive difference in my life and for that I will always love him. (I hope he won't be scared away by this when he reads it as you know....I am just not very "English" Sir, I am very very outgoing and considering the job I do very un-boundaried when it comes to my own life...I feel totally at ease with both my shortcomings and my successes....and that I think its just who I am)

Anyways, so in short:
- driving in 2-3 weeks
-back to work 2-3 weeks (but I am gona start this week with one evening at youthcentre)
- running and cycling and exercising 4 weeks
-swimming around 6 weeks but I am happy to wait til the summer

Medication:
-no medication needed as hardly any pain (I had confessed I only took paracetamol for the first 5 days 1 every 5-6 hours and ibuprofen 2-3 days 1 every 6 hours)
- painkillers if needed when needed

So now here some photos!

 I know it looks different doesn't it?

 Something just for support but not a real bra yet! have not worn one of these for don't even know how long! Actually feels funny as I never imagined I could get away with an un underwired half west top kind a top! So thank you Mr. Kasem! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

 Yeah I know sporting my PJ is not kind a something to show but what you're looking at here is the loss of over 10 kgs think that's over 2 stones and a happy me!

Because when you really really want something and you put your mind to it! When you know that you can actually do it....then you have the best possible surgeon and supportive friends and family YES YOU CAN ONLY SUCCEED! For me up to this very day the bestest and most amazing thing was NO PAIN!! NO PAIN AT ALL! (that I mean through surgery) NO I never dieted a day....it was all through exercise, healthy eating and a lot of hard work! And yeah I know I am boasting about it cause it is a life changing event and I hope it lasts....oh forgot to ask my gorgeous wonderful surgeon what happens if I piled back on my 2 stones (God forbid).....I can see him smile and smack me over the head:) not really I would do that myself! so all in all a great day! thank you God!!

Oh and just a little MASSIVE note to say that during this process a friend of mine who no longer lives in UK but also had same op as me was MY BIGGEST CHEERER and HELP AND SUPPORT! I won't mention her name as she might not want to but THANK YOU A!

its been 1 week!

Oh, the events of last Sunday! -

Around 1:30 I was done with my breast reduction surgery! I remember opening my eyes at 2:30pm then kind a back and forth for little sleeps and finally started dictating something to the two poor nurses who were applying for some job, something about being good on their own and in a team and such....primary and secondary empathy. then fell asleep. then they let me speak to Jonathan....slept some more then been wheeled to my ward! Then I got on the ward and needed wee and experienced how uncomfortable being in a bed flat out then having a bed pan is...really why oh why?! Anyways....then violent sickness until I worked out I was actually being sick from the Morphine....and yeah had Jonathan and my mum to visit....it was a roller coaster.

So today woke eventually after not sleeping all nite! Yap don't know what happened but couldn't sleep....until 7am then flat out til 9:30 then headache all day....on and off. Boys were getting upset so decided we should take a trip out to Bluewater as it was freezing outside....
Although I loved being able to dress and venture out I was fighting massive headache. So back home in bed....warm sand bag at my feet and I was shivering etc. Ok this week I will be very very good. No more playing silly games. One needs to really rest apparently. Yes, I know after both my C sections I was out and about n 5-6 days but who says I have to always conquer Rome?!

I have learnt my lesson. Sleeping is still difficult on my back...my back hurts now so I slept some on my knees and on my half side:) yeah you do wonder....simple things in life simple things....

Jonathan has bought me another yummy Anguri Murgh tonight now feel stuffed and headachy again. I really need to start being more and adult and less of a teenager:)

However, I am happy my boobies are less itchy although I feel they are healing beautifully. Also, I am glad to report I have not lost nipple sensation...its alive very alive!

Seeing my consultant tomorrow looking forward to it very very much!

Day 6 at home and nearly a week since surgery!

 One of my favourite things! When I was young in my parent's garden...on a Sunday afternoon we would sit amongst the cherry trees, apple trees and various other fruit trees....we would enjoy the blue sky and sleep or rest! It always remind me of a piece of heaven.

 Sadly after a week of desperately trying to get some MACAROONS there were none to be found today at Bruno's café in Rochester Highstreet, I was so sad:( I finally made it out the bed....walked all the way down the high street only to realise that there were none made. he promised some chocolate ones for tomorrow...I don't really like chock ones but hey ho!

 A massive thanks to my devoted mother at the age of 72 she doesn't tire listening to my crazy ideas, getting excited with me, keeping me entertained, washing and cleaning for me, and so much more. She has been there for me at almost all the very big days in my life except my wedding for which I think she will never ever manage to forgive herself and me but those days it was impossible....13 years ago....one would have had to go through fire to be able to be at her daughter's wedding. that's another story! she is the strongest and most wonderful woman I know. I know deep down she is nothing but proud and happy that I had the guts to self inflict such pain and anguish and go through with breast surgery...she couldn't be prouder happier and more delighted.

I feel comfortable showing these photos s I am mostly covered up by plasters...don't know how it would look if I take them off. However, I am delighted. I had hardly any pain, hardly any sleeplessness and providing I shake my cold and manage to get my immune system going I will be surely up and running soon. Not literally although one thing I hope to be able to do with my boys is do my runs and my race for life and don't mean just the Cancer research event.  When I heal and I will be all better back to normal functions I will want to start re-enjoying sports and get my boys into all sorts out PE and Outdoor stuff....I have some great big ideas about how life will change,
So nearly a week since my surgery....I am delighted. A week ago today I was getting ready for my surgery...I was packing my hospital bag!! So so happy and delighted.....

not for the faint hearted

Oh I do love my surgeon and I must sing his praises! Mr. Kasem is a very very experienced and radical man who knows some cool stuff. The respect I had seen him get from his nurses and fellow medical team has blown me over. I had seen him behave in the most professional way and conduct himself in such a humble yet fantastically serious and knowledgeable way. He does not laugh at my silly questions and is sooooon the roll. I had witnessed a great deal of professionalism for him. Last night when I was in agony mainly itching but also feverish I felt a little scared. I had thought about contacting Medoc and other medical organisations and even contact hospital. I then remembered he has a personal email on the Spire website (his private work) and so I emailed him. He was straight back and has given me accurate information and clear steps to take. For this is reason I am off course grateful and so happy.

The wonderful SPET team nurse has come....with great skill has taken away my old plasters and bandages and re-cleaned stitched and dressed my breast....According to the nurse this looks amazingly good and by  next week will be totally different matter.

I am sorry if this is too gruesome for some! I don't wish to like upset anyone but this is my journey an incredible one....I am fascinated and ever so happy with it. I know and I understand this only happens to a rare few people to be able to be so fortunate to be benefitting from such great skilled surgery.

So with no futher a do Mr. Kasem I am in awe of you and your work....you had saved my upper body a lot of pain, anguish and allow me to say I am looking forward to a whole new healthy and fit me!! Thank God and I pray he keeps his blessings coming on Mr. Kasem.

Day 6 - itching and pain and some scary moments

Hi! After a very disturbed nite....mainly spent trying to ignore my streaming cold and horrible itching I had noticed a lot of red and soreness around my plasters under my boobs. Its a difficult one but slightly shows in one of my previous photos... imagine 2 -3 times worse. So I had emailed my consultant and told him I was worried and no longer understood how things should be. I attached the photo. Within two hours I had a response urging me to call the nurse and have my plasters removed wound cleaned and new plasters put on. That's what happened and I feel like new! I cant put the photo of how it all looks now its a bit gruesome but I will put here my song been singing it all day.
God and I are on a journey at the moment....I had been a devout Christian for some time I believe with no doubt of any kind God exists and he is in charge however some of the theologies I have adopted over the years mainly through personal experience and then through some challenges have made me reconsider some things. I had also been rubbish at everything that I previously though meant to be a Christian so I am kind a at a strange place of "show me the way and lead me through it" right now. Interesting isn't it when you think you know something, someone then you realise just how wrong you might be having had formed an opinion, a way of life and a rigid framed picture of it all...well put it this way the FRAME has gone the picture is vivid. Meaning God is there I see him...I understand him however not sure the FRAME I had given his image is actually the one that suits and fits. So I am on a journey.....the last two years have been about understanding how wrong and how unbelievably rigid I had become.....so I have embraced my humanity and my frailness and now....I feel and I know just how vulnerable I am too...its ok....and its really liberating in a strange way,

So new boobs....you might say:) with a huge price....a new me!? Maybe with a huge price too.....but I am on the journey and I love it. No pain no gain?!I am in no real pain other than often I feel tortured by the fundamentalism and rather black and white ways of my previous self.....but I am grabbing my freedom...and starting to make something of that other self?! - while harmonising...a rare luxury to have so much time for me....

Here is one of my fav songs and fav singers....this song always says it so well.

LIfe is easy when you're up on the mountinhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RCTl4tUYIAg&list=RDJhUvFqOY00I

Itching like mad!

Arghhh good morning! Its 4am slept with the sleeping tablet and feel totally itchy! I don't know what else I can do so I am just gona rant here! Arghhh also don't know if I should ring the SPEC team about the dressings as one side is almost soaked through. I think I am gona ring in the morning....see what happens. It doesn't help I have a rotten cold and my nose is dripping. Arghhh

Other than that still no pain just itchiness!

Rant over

Day 5 - here I come!

Day 5! Its been a lot of love! and some pain and ache! Mainly very itchy and hopefully that means its healing. Its been loads of headaches today and although felt ok while two people visited today I also felt by lunch time totally drained. It wasn't the visitors at all but I think maybe the body still needs resting as much as possible. After all it is only day 5! Boys have been frustrated today....I am fighting my instincts of cleaning and tidying around them and sorting things out while also wanting to just lay down and rest. I have strange cravings....and tonight I might just have my favourite Anguri Murgh with the yummy vegetables and boiled rice from the lovely Cumin Club. Will see what husband JAS thinks about it....! right now there is Gulyas in the kitchen but red paprika smell is too strong....oh and feel like oranges loads of oranges.....juice loads of juice.....

I am liking my boobs every day a bit more however I hate the itchiness. Its not painful at all just feels like pulling when I reach to do things. It has no stitching so that's good...the stitching has happened on the inside outside skin is just glued. I am told it will look like an anchor so that should be interesting. I have my date for the plasters to come of yes Monday 24th at 3:50pm so a few more days a few more days...slowly but surely  I am recovering!!! Maybe soon will read a book.....a book would be good. don't think I could get past 1 page or 2?!

I think its time I build some Lego 3 d stuff with boys or at least try to....but maybe I just will have a lie in first?!

Day 4 - Day 3 at home

ok! a break from the gruesome photos and a bit of sunshine and blast from the past!:))
Its February and its cold but today the sun is shining. I slept amazingly totally out of it perhaps still the anaesthetic?! Jonathan woke me up a few times snoring and also Zac had a disturbed night...so morning was slow. Got up gave boys breakfast...set on the sofa then left them with my mum and came back to bed. I woke again at 10am. I am almost flat on my back one pillow don't know if that is good or bad, Only paracetamol and no real pain just discomfort some itchiness across where the plasters are. Otherwise well. I woke at 10am in the end and spent some time around the boys while mum went shopping tried to hoover and do a little tidy up but did not do well...still hurts if I do anything like bending etc. So will have to take it slow. Boys are always happy to see me, Zac keeps telling me "I love you mummy" and Reuben is eager to ask me for treats:) they had been brilliant playing on their Ipads, cars, outside on bikes and scooters and Elena Vasile came with Nik and Andy and they had gona out to castle grounds too. I ate and went to bed again I cant believe I slept like a log from 2-4pm I vaguely heard kids come back Elena shushing the kids but that was all...when I awoke again I realised they were gone.
Mum making yummy food and its irresistible however I must say each day a card or a box of chocks come and makes me feel so privileged. I have some fab friends....although have not made it OPEN I think most people know I had the op by now. I had some horrible people say I was taking advantage of NHS and that I will experience horrible pain but although it was unexpected and thought me to keep my mouth shut especially when I cant and wont feel like fighting....I am so happy I had done what I did I had come through my own journey of discovery and yeah I am privileged to feel no pain and yes not had to pay a penny for it all.

Particularly one person has marked me with their comments when she said "I am amazed you succeeded to get your treatment free on OUR NHS, people who are more severely in pain then you are and who are born and bread British cant get these facilities yet you who are foreigners get so much out of our system" - there was no point in saying anything first of all because ignorance is something that cant be helped it seems secondly because this person has never understood or accepted immigration or multicultural co existence. In her mind this is Britain, we should only do British things, should only eat British things and finally should only speak the proper way. So to tell her that I am here legally by right as I married a Bristish person, that I have became British by right some 10 years ago, that I have contributed all my working life to the National Health by paying all my dutifully fees and NI - would have fallen on dead ears as she knows nothing of that. Also to say that I had to go through a rigorous panel and fulfil a long list of criteria to get this op was also waste of time. Instead I smiled the same smile I see the nurses smile in my ward at the hospital when some patients in pain said "stop saying a minute when you don't come for half hour, or don't know what you saying bloody foreigner"....they smiled and I smile cause yeah its a different form of pain which maybe has no cure...which maybe has no remedy....I smile cause I think.....of all the hardships we had to come through and actually I smile cause people always find something they can yap about or go on about making themselves and others around them miserable.

Instead today looking at the amazing sunshine, acknowledging I am loved and cared for (I have far more friends then foes) and thanking God for his mercy and kindness which surrounds us....for a pain free and well supported recovery....I am making a stand that I will try and be positive, happy, smiley and encouraging to those around me try and make a difference and keep up the great work I had done and keep achieving!

Time to bath the kids....well me sitting and watching them bath...then a movie night until daddy arrives. Tomorrow hope for a gentle walk...maybe hair wash?!

Day 3 - day 2 home

The day the drains the awful drains have come out! Yay! Finally about 10:30am day 3 after the op the SPEC nurse called she was coming in an hour to remove my drains...oh these drains were the pain of my life....how very pulling as it was stitched to my side and how very uncomfortable. NO NOT PAIN just discomfort. Also walking around with two bags with two bottles in each (of puss and blood) not the most exciting. Anyway, the drains eventually came out and I was in a lot of pain then. Don't know where they were inserted but felt like pulling nerves off me all the way up my shoulder...that was well strange..... the nurse has put some more plasters on and I was like new. Felt lighter and easier.....however the long strips under my boobs are very full of dried blood so its a bit uncomfortable but only a few days and I am gona get id of them the consultant will take them off completely. Anyway most of the afternoon was fighting nausea eventually around 5pm I rang the dr and asked if I could have some anti nausea pills and he prescribed them so J picked them up.

Kids have been enjoying spending time with daddy and were up late due to half term holiday.

Stuart popped around late evening and managed to talk however I was fighting my sleep and eventually I retired to bed. I dreamt strange things I am sure I am ready to get back to swimming and running but not just yet:)

Day 2 home sweet home

So day 2  after the first nite I was allowed to make my way to the toilet. I had the gown on and then I had two bags for the two drains (4 in total) each side....it was rather strange as the drains were sawn into my side...and they were pulling....! By mid day I had seen my consultant who said I could go home but I panicked and said I would rather stay....only 5 mins later when I managed to get washed and cleaned and stand on my feet asking Bethany the nurse to see if I could go home indeed.
The thought of that hospital bed and the winging on the old ladies and seeing how hot and crazy was there at visiting time....I wanted out. Just like that my wish was granted and I was able to see the SPEC nurse and then discharged. I came home with Jonathan and mum after visiting time that was Monday 17th around 5:30pm. The ride home with the two bags and the drains and sitting in the car was a bit much but it was ok....I was in my own bed...washed and ready for sleeps after seeing all the presents and flowers and cards for those very special people.  I slept rather well with 6 pillows and almost upright. I was looking forward to day 3 when SPEC nurse was coming to renew my horrible drains. (see picture above this was taken after nurse removed the drains).

16th Feb 2014 THE DAY

Yap! The day has come! I was really unprepared and decided a few days before the way I will think about this is keeping focused on the end results......so bravely I drove to hospital with my bodyguard and friend Stuart and my mum...while my darling husband looked after my two boys.
I entered the hospital doors knowing all is in hand with S driving the car back and my friends being on call, husband looking after my dearests my boys...and mum by my side. Really I am a blessed girl!

I checked in and waited to be admitted. Once taken on the ward...the anaesthetist came and spoke to me. Then I changed into the great hospital robe ....as one does. My consultant came and  took the necessary measurements and all (this was highly weird and uncomfortable moments but glad I had such a brilliant professional man doing it). So I was asked to get ready and go to theatre. I checked into hospital at 7:30ish and this was already 9ish am. A nurse kindly walked me to the theatre where I phoned my friend S to come and get my mum, said bye to mum and entered the white room....
My nurse said goodbye and left me in the capable hands of the theatre nurse and anaesthetist and within 20 minutes they had inserted my cannula?! and rest is history....5 hours later......I awoke in recovery ...hearing two nurses talk about their application for another job. I managed to give them some good clues...they smiled and asked me to put my oxygen mask on then came next to me and I dictated something like this "given the opportunity I will be showing understanding and skills in empathy both primary and secondary as well as use my initiative to complement the existing team with all my skills in the nursing area which I have acquired over the years. I am a very good team player but able to work on my own and apply myself in all areas of nursing. I am willing to learn and always keen to see new and fresh ways of effectiveness. I have passion for my work and I enjoy all aspects of it" - where the hell have I came up with all this from I have no idea ....the morphine administration every 5 minutes must have really done it for me....all I know is 3 hours later leaving the Recovery Ward the nurse has held my hand and said THANK YOU and showed me a filled in application,....!

Once on the ward I slept loads....then Jonathan and my mum arrived and I was so eager to tell them all about my exciting day except I started vomiting violently....which made me sleep for ages after. All together the visit consisted of me sitting up to vomit, then sleep...then try and sip some water and get some morphine and sleep again ....and so on! Poor mum and Jonathan were terrified but managed to take the picture above. I was so surprised as was expecting bandages and all....instead just nice clear clean plasters. The night went very fast....I must have been asleep a lot and eventually I realised the morphine was making me ill so I declined it....
There was hardly any pain in my chest.....no real pain except discomfort mainly due to the 4 drains inserted and sawn onto me. The night nurses were checking my blood preassure every 1 hour and my vitals. I was able to stand up and go to toilet but they would not let me so had to use bad pan which I hated. I did all my essentials alone. they praised me for it but I was also told of for wanting to fly straight after a 5 hours op....and was asked to stay still.

My consultant visited at 6pm the same day and he was happy. I told him I was so pleased no major pain and he said my friend whom he also operated on said the same...:) He and I had a joke or two then he squeezed my leg and said well done. I told him he deserves a kiss as he really was so gentle with me. He is such a lovely man.

Although woken every hour and although being aware of a lot of the noises and grumblings of the oldies in my ward I was able to sleep and rest. I had a good nite and able to get rid of my sickness with sickness medication which the nurses given me. I have nothing but praise for the nurses they were amazing...and I am appalled at what they have to put up with.....some people are well rude and complete monsters.

So the day has come when I had to go and see my consultant for pre assessment....February 5th 2014. the consultant told me he was happy to start the pre operation process and it was 2-3 weeks until I shall be having my operation. We spoke for a while and I signed my consent forms. It was an emotional day. I was told I was very fortunate as not many people get their request for breast reduction approved however I am young, fit, don't smoke, all should go in my favour and it did.
That day I was so excited but also so nervous.
I had to come from my pre op appointment on the 10th Feb and after what it was 10-15 mins appointment I went home all ready for the call about my op which was gona be any time between 2-3 weeks. Brilliant news!

So, as I finally digested these news PHONE CALL came to ask me if I can go for surgery on 16th Feb! Remember this is less then 5 days notice. I was so excited but so worried and so excited I said yes after I hesitated at first. My baby boy's 4th bday was on that day and I was gona miss his party. Soon I realised a bday party can be moved and things can be worked out....so I went for 16th!!

Thankfully at work things worked out as well...supportive colleagues and friends and I genuinely felt twas the right decision. Boys were understanding and my mum flew over a few days before the op as well as Jonathan was able to arrange for days off work. School and nursery were understanding especially as this is half term so kids have a week off.

a very unique journey

Its been three years since I started my journey towards what I thought was a simple operation of breast reduction but what I feel has ended up being maybe a massive change in my personal life.
To start with what motivated me for breast surgery was mainly the terrible discomfort....I traced it back to my teenage years when I stopped training and enjoying physical activities due to what I thought was big breasts and embarrassment. Later I remember the massive backaches and headaches and somehow you just get used to them. I remember how difficult it was to find the right bras to wear the right clothes and finally to just be. My older sister has not had that problem she in fact was smallish breasted but same frame as mine.

So three years ago I asked my GP what are the chances of me having a breast reduction. I explained that I had piled on so much weight and feel so ill all the time I just did not envisage this kind of life and so we started the process. I did not ever think I will be actually able to have the surgery on National Health and knew I won't probably be able to pay for it myself. I still made it my goal to strive for a better life and hence I started my diet my healthier life and so on.

At first we had seen my amazing Nutritionist friend who has given us not only a thorough consultation but much needed boost to persevere with eating healthy and understanding the sources of energy and what certain intake of nourishment can add to our quality of life. She is very dedicated and what I love the most she is not one to force "good theory" on you but more like gently explaining things that we thought were "known" in a very acceptable and adaptable way.

So, many thank to Sandra Miller for her amazing help. Yes, cupboards were emptied of the "not so good" stuff and refilled with good things. I then had started what I thought gentle exercise....walking...then cycling. Thank to my Mother in Law for buying us (me and Jonathan) bikes so we were experimenting with family cycle rides. Thank Goodness for Cyclopark (http://www.cyclopark.com/) where we enjoyed many rides and fun as a family.

My weight loss has not been very good especially as I was having to cook for kids and husband and most of our meals were in the evening....hearty yummy comfy meals. I wasn't gona change much about that. I wasn't going to diet like mad as most people I had seen dieting (including my own mum) always seem to pile it back on. I knew what I really wanted was a life style change and not so much being a skinny person but someone who feels energetic and well.

I was making good progress but in summer 2013 I had decided it was the right time to start doing some controlled training....! Together with new work opportunity and good support of two friends I started swimming 2-3x a week and walk run 1-2x a week. It wasn't easy but I really enjoyed it....
I chose a 25m length pool and we kept at it for over a month. Then we kind a failed but I kept up the walk, run and got a real kick out of it. I decided to have my main meals with boys and then go out to exercise when they were going to bed. It worked really well.

After 6 months of doing that I joined a sports club and loved it even more. The Village (in Aylsford) had everything I needed and I am happy I did go for it....I also did my 2-3x a week swim and 1x gym rowing and walk/running. I am not a strong runner but I had learnt I am a very good swimmer.

Over all in the 2 last years I had lost 2 stones. I don't know how and where as I have not stopped eating and I have not excessively exercised but I believe its kind a loads of things together making the difference. I still have my sugary coffee and my bread...and I even have seconds.

So I was called to see my consultant about two months ago and told that yap he is happy to do the surgery as I have reached the 26MBI and all the other requirements are ok. This has been the best news ever....!! Yay! So now with only two months ahead of what could be my life changing operation I was ready to launch myself into the new improved me....!:)